Contents:
- On the nature of envy
- Types of envy
- Causes of envy
- What to do
Let's talk about feelings, or rather the feeling of envy. Surely you've encountered with other people's manifestations unkind attitudes, themselves fall into the power of that emotion. It is believed that jealousy - is a negative feeling, which breaks down the inside of your carrier. But whether things really are? And what if you are jealous, and you want to stop it?
On the nature of envy
The first step is to understand what you're dealing with. In general, many people have a very distorted view of envy: it seems that this "animal" comes only when all others have developed, and without it is impossible to do. However, it is not. Envy - a feeling that there is, on the one hand, a man selfish, and, on the other hand, having low self-esteem and a variety of inferiority complex. Experiencing this state does not want to develop the most - much better if the object of envy will be humiliated or crushed.
Envy is a complicated and complex feelings. That is, in its experience, there are certain steps which are deployed over time. But as in the time of growing up, we have forgotten how to listen to your inner voice and experience the feeling of fullness, this is not recognized by us.
How to start the experience of envy? With the feeling of being lost. It pierces the man at the moment when he sees that something else is better than him. There may be accompanying thoughts about his own insignificance, that you do not see. After that comes a sense of wounded to the quick. The man begins to doubt himself and his lifestyle. He did not abandon the idea that he was alone, and others if there are in a different world. All this is manifested in the experience of loneliness, emptiness and insignificance of their own.
Naturally, for this is followed by anger and insults. "What is the reason to me such an attitude, and you have everything so well? "- Thinks the envious and begins to analyze the situation. It seems that when he is in position of the object of his jealousy, justice will be restored: he will give the deserved attention and respect. But it somehow did not fall to, and comes to offense, and all at once, including themselves. Aggression is transferred, resulting in a person thinks that he is a poor and needy.
Thus, as a result of jealousy, you lose yourself, your value. This feeling hurt and lost identity. By the way, the envious and those who envy, attracted to each other like magnets. This is due to the fact that often they all have problems with self-esteem and their place in the world. There is a type of people who deliberately cause envy in others, so as soon as it gives them a sense of importance and realizovanna. Therefore, if you are jealous, you should consider: Does not provoke you surround yourself this feeling?
Types of envy
Have you already realized that jealousy - is a complex feeling. However, this issue is not limited to: inter alia, there are different kinds of envy, which generally differ from one another. In some extreme people may fall?
- Envy is blind
As the saying goes, "to know a person, you need to walk a mile in his shoes." But many people forget about it and start to envy others, just by watching their progress. Indeed, from the outside it may seem that everything comes easy man: and career and family and friendship. But if each of us could "get into the skin of another," the number of people willing to trade places have plummeted. Every man has his own problems, and we can not judge them so simple - it is possible that for him they are a hundred times worse than the problem of envy. Very often in these cases, the life of another idealized envious and simply a reflection of his own dreams.
- "Big-eyed" jealousy
There are cases when a person is jealous consciously. Typically, such a jealousy is experienced not as black but as dark gray - it is easier and more understandable, because we do have other things that you really want. However, even in this situation, it is a negative sense, as the ability to transform into a very deep aggression towards herself (after all, there is an understanding that a person in no guilty, but only has what is) and guilt. Naturally, with this condition also have to work.
In everyday life it can be divided envy on the "white" and "black". The latter manifests itself in the desire to hurt the feelings of the object, and the first - in an effort to improve themselves and their lives. But that's the reality of this border is so ephemeral that people can easily move from one state to another. Unfortunately, clean "white" envy is quite rare, because it is difficult to be - much easier to "fall" in the aggression towards the other.
Causes of envy
If you are jealous, you usually do not feel very well. It is only from a distance seems to be in this kind of focus - it's great. In fact, always envious in varying degrees pulled energy from the one who envy. Therefore, I wish this very strange. But in order to get rid of it, you need to understand the causes envy.
It is believed that jealousy - is a useful and save as a result of the evolution of the feeling is the same as aggression or fear. It seems like it should push us to self-improvement. For example, one who hunted worse, next time will be more persistent and diligent. Or make yourself the best tools. But in this case it is only the "white envy" and "black" does not take into account.
Envy is always based on comparing yourself with someone else. In general, the mechanism is, of course, good and should contribute to the development of man, but when he "rolled" in comparison too often, it becomes very sad, because there is always a person who has things go better. A desire the whole world and all the people with all their actions fit into a simple two-dimensional coordinate system "better or worse".
As a result, there is a profound lack of confidence. That it is another essential tool for the emergence of envy. By the way, the habit of excessive compared to a person usually gets in deep childhood - he grafted her parents. In general, the role of the father and the mother in particular on the issue of very great envy. If parents love their child unconditionally, accept it and praise, then he has a sense of inner peace. Their love is like a shadow, lives now in the adult heart. But if it does not, and the parents are constantly demanding something from the baby comparing it to more successful children, it gets used to feel inferior, and envious of the latter.
Setting frequently also helps to make us feel good. People may feel sorry for you, for example, due to the fact that you are not married, all your peers. And even if you do not consider yourself from this flawed, then about a hundred repetitions of such ideas run the risk of thinking, "Maybe it really me that something is wrong, and these girls - better than me? ". This is partly due to the fact that envy - like the plague. People who are sick to her, seeking to infect others, otherwise they will feel flawed.
Distorted perception also affects what people are jealous of each other. After all, as we see the world and their fellow human beings? In part, fragmentary, in some situations. And even if we can observe a certain person for a long enough time, we will still never be able to find out what's going on inside of him at some point in time. It is possible that the millionaire whom we envy, every night and comes home sad from what can not trust anyone. Or is it goes on all night clubs, pumping of alcohol and drugs, in order not to feel his deep unhappiness. But we see only the outer shell, and it seems to us that there is something to envy.
What to do?
The world is full of envy - that's a fact. But you do not want her to feel "hard way" in any form! What to do if you're still in a situation where you are jealous? How to break this vicious circle and to protect themselves from toxic envy?
- Look at yourself
The more you encourage others to envy? There is no way that you - white and fluffy, and they hurt you. Most likely, somewhere in the subconscious, you do not just rejoice with their successes, but they all want to show to prove to yourself that you are better than others. It is not surprising that such a condition causes the other is quite natural reaction - jealousy and the desire to topple you from the throne. Need to find a all these things and get rid of them, otherwise you'll encounter and with this feeling.
- Get rid of excess altruism
It may seem that if you fight back, you will offend those of other people. But remember that the envious do not care about you - they only think about themselves and how to annoy you. Even if you were not, they would have to worry about someone else: cursed be his "curse" of the eyes, and would build plots. Agree, if you do not pay attention to it, it will be the envy of more multiplied.
- Cultivate your rod
No need to adjust to the estimates and opinions of others. Envious and will try to humiliate you and accuse any mortal sins. You will have to endlessly justify before them and give your precious energy. It should not be! So look at what moments you hurt their claims. Maybe you're really worried that you may be doing something wrong. And that it was not necessary once and for all to believe in themselves and to build their lives in accordance with the call of the heart and intuition.
- Keep envious too close
If you see the manifestation of this feeling with friends, then continue communicating with them with greater care. You should not see this as a compliment to myself, because sooner or later this "friend" wants to amuse your self-esteem and look at your fall. So when you want to maintain the relationship, sincere and honest conversation can not be avoided. But if he does not help, then such people should say goodbye - quietly and without undue regret.
- Eradicates envy in themselves
As we have mentioned, in such situations include those who himself is not without sin. Envy of others if an indicator of your own flaws. Learn to do to get rid of the toxic feelings: it is necessary to eliminate the cause. Do not compare yourself with others, grow personally and learn to see the lives of others with integrity - then envy will not "stick" to you in any form.
Thus, it is clear that envy needed to do something - it was too much in our world. Close people are envious of each other, advertising provokes in us a feeling, and talking about it was absolutely normal.
And as each of us looks with indifference and participates in it, nothing will change. Live happily and do not induce envy of others!
We strongly recommend to read Psychology envy
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